Excitement and Apprehension?!

I am super xcited because my Aunt and two cousins are in town from Oregon and it seems like it's been forever since I have seen them.  I did have the opportunity to see my Aunt and one cousin a few years ago but one of the cousins that's coming (the only girl) visited when I was in high school!  The sad part is that I didn't see her then becuase I was away at cheerleading camp :(  I can't wait to reconnect with her.  The last time they lived in Kansas seems like decades ago.  I was just a little girl when they left and we have only been to Oregon one time since to visit them.  They will be coming to my house tomorrow night to hang out with me and my fam!! 

On Sunday my mother is having a small get-together with ALL of the family since they are on town.  That's all good but here is where my apprehension kicks in full gear.  My brother and his family (whom I'm not on speaking terms with) is going to be there as well.  This will be the first time I will have to be around my brother since this all started right before Christmas.  I didn't spend Christmas with them and have missed several birthdays because of it.  It really is sad but I have come to realize that sometimes I need to focus on what my family and I believe to be what's right for us and move on.  Sadly, I've also come to the realization that things will never be the same between any of us ever again.  I try my hardest to allow my children visits with their cousins but this will be the first time that I will be in the same room as my brother since everything went sour.  I'm not really looking forward to it at all but I am doing it for my mother.  She has asked me to be there so I will be.  I am just really hoping that my hubby doesn't have to work so that he can be there with me.  I need him for the support.  Did I tell you I am not looking forward to it....

I am praising the Lord for all the good but I also need his hand over me to take away any worries and apprehension that I have very strongly right now.  Let me get through this weekend and move on....

Who is Doing Your Dirty Laundry? - Part 1 in a Series

We have all been there; the mountain of laundry that seems to pile up no matter how often we attack it. You may wait until one day a week to tackle this feat while others, like me, attempt to do a load or two a day in order to keep it under wraps. Let me tell you, neither way works. There always seems to be more that needs to be done. LAUNDRY NEVER ENDS!

But what about our other “dirty laundry”? You know the kind that we ALL carry that the world would refer to as shame. Things that have happened to us in the past, been inflicted upon us or created ourselves. As moms it’s so easy to put that laundry on the back burner and tend to the laundry in our home. The good news though is that God wants to take that dirty laundry away from us. John 10:10 says that the evil one comes to kill, steal and destroy. But God wants us to live ABUNDANTLY. He is walking behind us carrying a laundry basket just waiting for us to toss all of our shame in and let him clean us so that we can be pure.

You dirty laundry may consist of sexual unfaithfulness, lust, jealousy, selfishness, envy, loving wealth, wasteful, prideful, greedy, hating other, bitterness, cussing, lying, or slander. The list goes on and one and NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE is free from all of that. We are all carrying something that we can hand over to God in one way or another. The sad part is that you can only carry that burden for so long before it breaks you. When you let that secret go it can no longer have power over you!!

God looks at your heart not what makes you presentable. Primping our hair, wearing designer clothes or outfitting our home to make it beautiful does not hide what we really have in our heart from God. He wants us to unload our laundry on him so that we never have to deal with it again. HOW AMAZING IS THAT!!

How does this happen? You have got to decide that this is it. There is no going back and there is no promise that the road to cleanliness and purity is going to be an easy one. You may have to deal with a lot of lint that you find along the way but in the end God promises that you will be clean. Every one of us is promised a fresh start.

For today, declare that there be no more secrets, no more lies, no more dirty laundry. From here forward you’re going to God, and you’re not looking back to the evil one that will zap his abundant life from you.

Set down and write a letter to God and yourself. Start reflecting on Psalm 129. God designed us so uniquely before we were even created. We are worthy to God. If we continue to carry around darkness then we are denying what Jesus came for. A life abundantly, a light shining brightly.  Reflect upon yourself and if you’re having a hard time, ask God to show you. You have got to be real and you have got to be honest. If you are not real and don't look deep into your heart, change will not happen.  I pray that this comes to your heart where you need it most today!

Free Magazine Subscription - NO JOKE :)

Focus on the Family has a new magazine called "Thriving Family" which includes inspiring and encouraging articles, advice on marraige and parenting, tools for teaching faith concepts to kids, and MUCH more.  They are offering a free 6- month trial to promote the magazine.

If you go to Focus on the Family and scroll to the bottom of the page you can sign up for the free trial subscription and a weekly email.  I just signed up and can't wait to start receiving them.  I only had to put my address and email address so it's not one of those things where you have to pay for a year and then you just get a year and a half.  There are no strings attached to this trial offer!  Try it out!!  I am confident that since it is from Focus on the Family then it will be full of great articles :)

Are You B - U - S - Y?

This is long but definitely worth watching...

A Gentle Reminder

My Work

I have the greatest work in the world;

The job of rocking a baby to sleep,

That of guiding his tottering feet,

A baby's clothes to launder and fold,

A precious life to shape and mold,

A drink to give from a little cup,

At night his toys to gather up,

Hurts to heal and fears to quell,

A baby to keep clean and well,

A stack of diapers to put,

Oh, what a happy worthwhile day!

I am a "Mother."

I have the greatest work in to world;

A husband to encourage when things go wrong,

When he comes from work to greet with a song,

Denims and shirts to wash and mend,

A helping hand, when needed, to lend,

Three times a day is meals to cook,

To strive to be my best to look,

His back to rub at the close of the day,

For his faithfulness to God I pray,

When hubby's in the field I take lemonade,

for all these tasks his love has Paid.

I am a " Wife."

I have the greatest work in the world;

A home to keep happy, clean and bright,

Make things go smooth and strive for the right,

Jams to cook and jellies to make,

Cookies and pies and bread to bake,

Washing, ironing, and sewing to do,

So many tasks, will I ever get though?

Lettuce to wash and peas to pick,

floors to scrub, lost items to seek,

Dishes to wash and windows to shine,

These and many more tasks are mine.

I am a "Homemaker."

Help me, Father, to faithfully work,

Forgive if I unconsciously shirk,

give me the patience and love I pray,

To keep myself in duties way;

With all the hustle that each day brings

May I not neglect the needing things;

Each day to spend time alone with Thee

That Jesus Christ be seen in me.

Thank you for husband, our home, our girls and boys;

Thank you for love which brings me much joy.

Thank you , Lord.

----Mary Lou Burkholder

Snow Beauty!

The snow here in the Midwest seems to keep coming.  People from all over the country are facing frigid temperatures that are at record lows.  Please stay warm!  I have the priviledge of staying home to raise my wonderful children and so I can look at it from my window and take in all it's glory and not have to venture out into the crazyness.

It is so neat to me to be able to look out and see peace.  Waking up after a night's snowfall and seeing the roads and walkways untouched reminds me that God can erase all the ugliness and sin from our world.  We have the opportunity to start our day and make a new path in that snow. 

Along with the snow brings us back to being able to be a child again, or at least for a couple hours.  As I was making dinner tonight I glanced out my kitchen window and saw a young man with a dog on a leash.  The crazy part about this is that they just weren't on your typical owner/dog walk.  The young man was on skis and he flew by my window!!  He was skiing down the middle of my street.  Now while that might be a little extreme for you, and for me, he was able to make the best out of the situation.  I can guarantee you that his dog enjoyed that "walk" better than any he had gotten before and I bet I can venture to say that the young man probably enjoyed it just as much.  Just seeing him ski, in the middle of my neighborhood made me laugh and brought joy to my heart.  It was definitely funny but it also brought me a sense of peace.

Our area is expected to get ANOTHER 4-8" tomorrow.  While I could agree with most that we probably have had enough snow for the year, I will also take joy in the beauty that it brings and I hope that you do too.  What do you see when you wake up to freshly fallen snow that hasn't been touched by man?

Mary Did You Know?!

This is by far one of my favorite Christmas songs of all time.  This is an amazing video and I pray that it helps everyone remember what the meaning of this season is all about.

Merry Christmas to Everyone!!

Merry Christmas or Bah Humbug!??

It's the most wonderful time of the year...there will be much mistletoeing and hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near......WAIT!!!  Back up just a minute!

Hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near?!?!?  Not in my family!!  This doesn't seem to be the year that this is the scene for our Merry Christmas.  I am sure that by now we have all come to the realization that no one's family is normal.  So how do you, and I in particular, deal with those idiosyncrasies at this time of the year.  I've decided that "Normal" is a relative term.  Do I sit and let this raw emotions control how I will celebrate with my immediate family that means the most to me or am I supposed to be a "big girl" and move on in life.  It's pretty hard to move on in life when you feel as if you've been ambushed and don't know where things went wrong and you have no way of fixing them.  Sometimes people want things to be the way they are no matter what the outcome.

So I am trying to apply the following things and know that this is a constant struggle for me EVERYDAY.  I am not perfect in anyone's eyes and I have never claimed to be.  So this is how I will be TRYING to deal with these issues.

1.  I need to normalize my expectations.  I need to realize that our family is messed up, but so is everyone else's.  Mixed feelings, resentment, and emotional baggage are typical issues of all families.

2.  Accept my lot.  Extended families idiosyncrasies aren't intended to make my life miserable even though it may feel that way.  Even though I may disagree, I need to have compassion.  Acceptance takes friction away, or at least most of it.

3.  Practice proven coping techniques.  I can't pick my relatives and I can't change them either.  The only thing I can control is my reaction to behaviors that drive me crazy.  The more I pick up that rope, the more I fuel a situation.  There are times I want to YANK that rope so hard and prove that someone else is wrong but it doesn't work.  It only makes things harder.

4.  Avoid embarassment.  The less I say the better.  Someone else's actions are not a reflection of me.  

5.  Help myself through humor.  If I wasn't laughing most times I would be crying.  Silent humor is a great tension release that helps me feel adult and powerful rather than trapped and powerless.

There you have it.  What I consider to be CRAP and almost impossible to accomplish.  Even though I know it may be the hardest thing to do, I know that this is best thing for the situation.  I am sure through this process I am going to learn a lot of things about myself and most importantly to stop worrying about what others think or feel.  It is very important to take others' feelings and emotions into consideration but when it comes to the expense of your own you have to pray and do what God tells you.  I just have to know in my heart that the things I am doing are right with me and God.  That is ultimately who I have to answer to and no one else.

Pray for me in this situation and hope that this is a Merry Christmas with or without loved ones.