There are such fine lines when it comes to decisions in life and then others seem to be as clear as a wall built in front of you. Those fine lines just really tear me up sometimes.
Anyone that knows me well enough knows that I HATE confrontation. I have a really hard time in knowing how to tactfully confront a situation without hurting the other person but at the same time getting my point across. I guess part of it is also that I try to fix people too much and my point can be much deeper than the other person can see. It can really frustrate me sometimes when someone else can't see what I see. I fully understand that, that doesn't make me righteous, although some people may see it otherwise.
I have had a hard time knowing what to publicize on this blog for personal and family reasons. One side of me feels that I should be as open as I can be so that I get the best advice and support from all of you. The other side of me says that I need to withhold simply because those close to me read this and may not want to hear what I have to say. I still haven't decided what is the best direction in this medium therefore I won't divulge exact details as to why I feel the way that I do.
It's the times of being there for someone as a shoulder to cry on and knowing that in the end there is still a lot of learning to be done. I can't fix anyone and I know that. There are people that tell me I try to play the "Christian" card to much. I know that I have a long way to go to be the Christian that God wants me to be. I am probably further away from him at this point in my life than I was six years ago. But I do know that I am not so far away from him to know what he wants from me. Following through on what he wants can be difficult in this crazy world and I am sure that you all know that.
In recent weeks I have dealt with a few situations in which I would have preferred to walk away. In each of those instances though I have had to make my feelings known no matter what the outcome may be. Tactfulness and compassion sometimes cloud people's judgement though and only defenses are thrown up at me. It makes me want to get mad and fight back, but the grown up person in me tells me I just need to let it go. There is a fine line of letting things go and then letting a wall be built in your own heart.
I have been touted by many people that I am "not a good friend". Maybe I'm not. I have a lot to learn - and I'm willing to. I don't feel like anyone owes me anything, or do I?! I don't know. There are many times that I get caught in the whirlwind called life and others seem take the back burner. I have thoroughly tried to be there when people need me though. I may not be there every time, but I have tried to be that friend when the occasion warrants it. My heart and home have always been open to those that need me.
How do I help people without getting my heart so wrapped up in it? Is that even possible? How do you EASILY watch someone go through difficulties when you know there are easier ways? How do I keep that from hardening my heart??
Being a certain age certainly doesn't make anything easier no matter what anyone tells you. In fact, I think quite the opposite is true. I think that with being older comes an understanding of so much more. Therefore, dealing with difficult situations can sometimes be harder the older you get.
Tonight when I go to bed, I lay all of my concerns in front of Jesus and ask him to take them from me. I ask him to lay his hands on those around me that need it the most. I pray for his guidance of them (and me) and softening of their heart (and mine).