Friday, November 14, 2014

Annual Christmas Blessings!

What are you blessed with this holiday season? I am sure if you think about it, there are so many things that you can say you are blessed with. I know my family doesn't want for much and we take for granted that our needs are met on a daily basis.

The Ruffled Daisy has blessed me tremdndously this year and I want to give back. My heart goes out to so many famiies that are not able to truly celebrate the Christmas season with joy because the financial strains placed upon them become almost unbearable.  My goal this holiday season is to be able to adopt 5 families (dependent on amount raised)  and provide them with gift cards or Christmas gifts for their family. This is where I am reaching out for your help though.  Last year it was AMAZING sharing this joy with the five families that I helped!!  

On my Ruffled Daisy FB page, I have close to 2140 followers. If each of those individuals donated just $5, can you imagine the JOY it would bring!! That's such an amazing amount of money that's literally a drop in the bucket for most of us. Do you have $5 to spare? I want to be able to share with you the amazing way that YOU have helped a family bring joy into their home!!

I have set up a donation link through Paypal where all donations will remain anonymous. In two weeks I will close the donation link and take the monies to purchase what may be needed for each individual family and then share with them the LOVE of the season and hopefully restore some faith and hope in what may be broken homes.  Please know that although these are going to be local families that are adopted, you do not have to be local to donate.

To sweeten the pot a little, I am starting the fund with a $100 donation from The Ruffled Daisy.  I am opening my heart and asking you to give a $5 blessing that will mean the world to one family. Will you join me? Please click the donate button below and to give $5 (or more if you are led to do so) and see how you can be a blessing!

Thank you so much for blessing The Ruffled Daisy enough to give in this way!!  I can't wait to share with you the LOVE and JOY of giving!!!  HAPPY HOLIDAYS to each and every one of you and THANK YOU for your continued support of The Ruffled Daisy!!

Thursday, October 9, 2014

I Am

"I Am"
I am tired and broken.
I wonder who shares in my pain and sorrow.
I hear the oceans speak.
I see a princess in a castle.
I want to be free to know my soul completely.
I am tired and broken.
I pretend to know who I am.
I feel the sun kiss my skin.
I touch the light of the moon.
I cry for my angel.
I am tired and broken.
I understand pain.
I say "believe and have faith".
I dream of internal quietness.
I try to do my best.
I hope my chaotic soul is quieted.
I am tired and broken.

Monday, September 29, 2014

I See You

Dear Friend,

I see you.

I see you laughing at a park playdate smiling and chatting with other moms as you push your toddler on the swing while keeping another eye on your five-year old climbing on monkey bars.  I see you dressed in the latest fashionable chevron scarf to match your perfectly chosen outfit.  I see you going on dates with your husband and on ladies night with your girlfriends in order to nurture each of those relationships so that they fulfill your desires. 

I see you going to church and bible studies and trekking your kids to all of the activities that you put them in to help them "grow".  I see you "pinning" the next greatest recipe and DIY projects that you want to create in your home in order to make it "pinterest" worthy. 

I see you.

I also see the you that hopes no one sees "you".

I see you when someone asks how you are and you respond with an "I'm Fine" because it's easier and you know they don't want to hear of your trials anyway.  It's easier that way.

I see you comparing yourself, your latest attire and the behavior of your children to the lady in front of you at Target.

I see you hiding.  Crying on the inside because the deep crevices of your heart are covered in pain and turmoil.

I see you struggle to wake up each morning ready to fight the demons inside yourself and figure out who you are.  I see you pour your coffee hoping it will make your day just a little bit easier while at the same time wanting the smash the pot against the wall just out of the internal frustration.

I see you crying in the shower because no one can see or hear you. 

I hear the voices in your head battling against each other.  One telling you, "You are not good enough" while the other tells you, "You have so much to be thankful for."

I see you broken.  I see you hurt.

I see you searching.  Searching for the "you" that would bring you a sense of peace that surpasses all and that truly defines you.

I see you searching for that one friend that looks at you and knows everything about you and you don't have to explain any of it.  They just get it.  I see you desperately searching for that friend.  I see you scared to have that friend that you share your secrets with. 

I see you going to bed at night on a tear stained pillow, marking another day off your calendar and wondering where "you" fit in that day. 

I see the pain and regret that you carry of your past trials.  I see that you don't let any of that go. 

I see you share your joys with the world while being scared to death that you might share too much.

I see your scars.  Your million scars.  The scars of our past that you try to define yourself by.  I see every scar that you have as a sign that you have overcome.

I see the confusion in realizing who you are.  I see you question your doings on a daily basis about what truly makes you happy.  I see your sadness when you can't find that.  I feel your sadness.

I see you.  Because that's me.  You're not alone.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Roller Coaster Wounds

I’ve heard people say that life is a roller coaster and you don’t always know where it is taking you.  It can have its series of ups and downs and where you feel like you’re being turned inside out.  You will also have patches of where you are able to leisurely enjoy the ride and bask in the lack of excitement for the moment.  There is an operator on that roller coaster and they know what’s next in the journey although you may not.
My life has been on a roller coaster of sorts lately.  It seems to be a roller coaster that is out of control though.   The operator on my roller coaster seems to make sudden stops and blazing out of control movements and I am left wondering what in the hell happened and how I’m supposed to deal with it.

Life is all about learning who you are and what your place in the world is.  You do have a place and a reason…it’s your assignment to figure out what that is.  That has been the most challenging thing for me for as long as I can remember.   I look outside of myself and see what I think the world wants me to be or thinks I should be and that’s who I try to be.  It works for awhile.  Maybe a short while and maybe a long while.  But…then I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself in the process and I question who I am again.  At that point in time, I become very selfish and try to do what makes me happy all the time.   If you’re not happy, then no one is happy, right?!  That’s what I think half of the time anyways.

I suffer a great deal from depression and it takes a daily toll on my body and emotions even when the outside world doesn’t see it.  Finding the daily balance of who I really am and who I should be always seems to be such a struggle for me.   I experience such dramatic highs and lows with my thoughts and feelings that honestly it is quite exhausting.  I don’t know if I struggle with this area of my life more than others or if others constantly feel as I do.  I believe that my dreamer personality is what makes me struggle the most.  Besides, dreams weren't meant to be ignored.  I believe they're put in our soul for a reason.  I'm just trying to figure out what that reason is.

I have such an immense amount of childish happiness in my heart and soul but I don’t share it with as many people as maybe I should.  I never know how to balance that side of me with the more mature, knows exactly what she needs to do and be woman.   I’ve had people in my life recently that have encouraged me to be that happy girl and live life to the fullest.  I also have people in my life who tell me that I need to grow up and take care of the responsibilities set before me and that life isn’t a daydream.

There is a huge disconnect for me when trying to figure out the balance of being what makes me the happiest while at the same time trying to be selfless and make everyone else happy.  At the moment that I think I have it all figured out in a particular way, I get smacked in the face by something telling me that I don’t.  I have a hard time believing that other people struggle with their identity as much as me.  If people in life truly do struggle as much as I do, then no wonder that there is such chaos in the world.

Love comes hard for me.  It is something that I don’t share with many people and it has affected many of my personal relationships.  My tendency to be selfish has negatively affected many, many people in my life.  I don’t understand why it’s hard for me.  I don’t want it to be.  I want to be the person that people know they can always rely on to be there for them.  I’m not sure what has scorned me so bad in my life for me to be the way I am because it surely isn’t normal in my mind.  I do have a select few people in my life that love me for who I am.  They take me wholly whether I am wounded or not. 

I admit, I am a wounded person.  I have physical wounds from life’s challenges.  I’ve lost people close to me that have caused a physical scar on my heart that will always be there.  I’ve experienced things that no one should have to. Those wounds are easy to explain because they’re physical.  Each physical scar that I have inside and out has a story that can told with it.  A story that is easy for people understand.

The wounds that are the hardest to overcome and understand are the mental and emotional wounds.  They are the wounds that so many people inflict upon themselves that no one in the outside world sees.  Those are the wounds that hurt the most.   They seep deep into your soul and cause a pain that is indescribable to most.   Those are the wounds that are the hardest to overcome and the ones that haunt you on a daily basis.  And yet, no one sees or understands them but you.  My passion would be to have the ability to share all of my struggles with others so they don't have to experience the internal battle with themselves.  It is a daunting and painful struggle to deal with daily and if anywhere along my path I am able to help others overcome that, then I feel like my life will have been served well. 

I do believe that in time it is possible overcome.  I believe that the internal struggles I deal with on a daily basis will make me an amazing woman someday.  A woman who will wake up one morning and be able to say, “Here I am!  This is me and I LOVE ME!”  I will be able to serve anyone around me with LOVE because I have that LOVE inside of me for me.  

So I’m back again to the finding that balance.  How do I balance figuring out how to love myself along with loving other people as much as they deserve at the same time?  I don’t know.  What I do know is that it’s a battle that I will approach everyday with an open mind and willing heart to learn what is next on my roller coaster ride.  I may get thrown off a time or two again but I will get back on and keep going.  Besides, I love the highs and lows of roller coasters and couldn't imagine life any different.