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Friday, August 23, 2013

Love and Commitment

These words go hand in hand when you are talking about marriage.  That doesn’t mean that it all comes easy though.

In the beginning, it’s all easy.  You meet someone you are attracted to, want to spend all of your time with, and share all of your life dreams with.  It’s easy.  You love this person with your whole being.  You want to commit to making this person the happiest and vice versa.  You envision a life of nothing but happiness because you vow to let nothing keep you from that.
Then it gets hard.  Life gets hard.  You create a family.  You share this oneness but at the same time you see and feel differences.  Money starts getting tight.  It’s harder to put food on the table because there are so many demands that need to be met and there never seems to be enough money at the end of the month.  You start seeing each other with different eyes because your “needs” are not being met.  Maybe you’ve grown a little fluffier around the waist or they’ve grown the facial hair you never liked.  It becomes “easy” to see all that is wrong.

If you’re a mom, then spouses, children and work pull you in several different directions.  Whether you are a homemaker or work outside the home, all of the pulls and strains are the same in some way or another.  You are called to be “Supermom” at so many things and most of the time you’re probably just trying to drink enough coffee to keep the house as normal as possible without becoming insane yourself.  And your reward…you get to do it all again tomorrow with crying babies and ungrateful teenagers.
If you’re a dad providing for your family, the stresses can be unbearable sometimes.  Whether or not you are the sole bread winner or not, it may seem at times like you are on a hamster wheel in a cage that you can’t off of.  It’s the same thing day in and day out and the only reward you get at the end of the day is maybe a “sweet dreams” from the ones you do it all for.  No special medal here.

Then you have outside family.  They can often be a great support but at other times can be difficult to handle at times.  You’re creating the life that you want – as best you can – and that’s all you want to focus on.  You don’t want to be told how to do it or what you should be doing differently.   There is a famous saying that says something to the effect that no matter where you go or who you become family will always be there.  I only believe that to be partly true.  We don’t choose our family and sometimes I bet most of us wish we could.  I also believe the saying about how families are full of nuts!  Trust me….I’m one of those nuts in my family, or the lone black sheep.  Whatever you call it – familial relationships are hard.
Then you have friends.  Friends are great things to have – in times of joy and sorrow.  Friends can offer great support to you at different times and you will come to realize that as you walk through life.  You will have MANY friends throughout this journey.  They are the little pieces of gold that you go digging for in hopes to find someday!  They truly are a dime a dozen.  You also have to realize that friends come and go.  And whether or not it is something that was expected, it’s hurts.

So, there you have it.  It’s hard.  There is no simple way of putting it.  That commitment that you thought would be roses and daydreams…..maybe it’s thorns and nightmares now.  Whatever it is today or will be next week, you have to remind yourself that this is where you are supposed to be.
So how do you make life easier??

Know this – YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY!  It’s a hard pill to swallow but it’s the truth.  Think about it.  You get a raise yet you don’t ever “feel” it in your paychecks.  Why?  Because we always spend it before we even get it.  Can you be better with your finances?  SURE!  And it’s a good goal to always have.  BUT, the fact of the matter is that in today’s broken society, it’s hard for everyone financially.
And what about that extended family?  I can tell you with mine, I have to take them all with a grain of salt.  What does that mean?  A grain of salt is TINY!  That’s the thought you should give it.  You will know in your heart when you need to listen more or happily nod your head in agreement to please them.  It’s as simple as that.

And friends – choose them wisely.  They are the people we allow into the quiet spaces of our lives and it’s very important that they are striving for the same things you are.  It should never be a question of choosing between them or loved ones.  It’s couldn’t be any truer that you have some for a reason or a season.
When it’s hard, try to remember what your goal in life and your marriage is.  Maybe you and your spouse have forgotten what that is.  Then it’s definitely time to sit down and reassess what it is and get back on track.  It’s ok to veer off the beaten path sometimes.  We all do!  There are some beautiful things you will stumble upon when you take side roads.  BUT, it’s also the easiest way to get lost.  Remember this life you are creating with your mate and know that as some point in time, when the kids are grown and gone, you will have to look across the room at this person and it’s better to call them your best friend than a stranger.  Too often in today’s society it is the latter.  Remember the love and commitment that you promised on the day you decided to spend your life together.  If you still have that…then you still have everything J


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You have become quite the amazing and intuitive young woman. I wanted to say that I am proud of you and the family that you have. You are not the lone black sheep of our family, you share that role with a couple of us. Being different isn't always bad, it has it's rewards as well.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the blog Beth. This last paragraph was something I needed to 'hear' right now...it is easy to get busy and push spouses to the side, only to have trouble reconnecting because too much time has gone by!